blah.

Nothing is particularly going wrong today, so there’s no real reason to feel cruddy, but I do. Doubt & worry about my career, my relationship, my residence, my body, my friends, my judgement, my finances, my responsibility, my health. Nothing seems to be bad enough to keep my worried mind focused on it, so my brain just flits from one troubled thought to another.

Feh. What a sucky way to spend my time.

I slept weirdly; woke up at 6 when the radio came on, my normally sedate morning show was taking callers who were doing their best Linda Blair in the Exorcist impression. So I turned the volume down and turned on the little heater to take the chill off & hit the snooze button for 10 minutes.

Um, except when you turn the volume down, you won’t notice when said 10 minutes are up, so I drifted in and out of weird dreams while the room got warmer and the hour got later. Very weird dreams. One of them was in a theme park and I saw a bioluminescent opossum. One of them was in a car and I was driving with my sweetie when I noticed a hair by my foot so I pulled it, but it was a silver cord (you know, like that silver cord that’s supposed to connect your body & your wandering soul when you have an out of body experience) and I reeled a bunch into the car and then I couldn’t steer very well anymore but that seemed okay and like it would work to get us where we needed to go. [Yep, that’s clearly about lowering expectations and releasing the urge to control relationships].

So now my head is all odd feeling and I’m vaguely crampy and I keep wanting to eat & eat & eat. I’ve been working on this big process diagram and it’s coming along fine, but there’s a voice in my head that keeps running in circles & shrieking
“It’s stupid! It’s all stupid! What are you doing??!!” And then my attention flits around like a hummingbird.

O I hate days like this.