I have only one burning desire, and that’s been the problem for the last year

It used to be that my big dream was to go to college. So I did and it was great.
Then after that my big dream was to someday run my own bookstore. So I did and it too was great.
Then in the wake of closing the store I managed to get excited about getting a degree in library and information science. I did keep that fire burning enough to get me through grad school, but my attention turned from libraries to the web.
I guess then my burning desire became to work the web and to become part of a community of webfolk. Well, gosh, I seem to have done that too and it’s great.
For the last year, my burning desire has been to be in a steady, committed relationship with someone who inspires, excites and amuses me and with whom I feel a deep mutual respect and passion.
Uh. Hmm. Well, see that’s harder to make happen because it depends a lot on luck. I’ve met wonderful people and made great friends. I’ve laughed and cried and had really fantastic sex. But none of the ones I dated, good men though they be, turned out to be that partner I was seeking to mingle my life with (though I was certainly ready to give it a shot with a some of them). What I really need to do is find another burning desire to pursue and learn from and stop banging my head against closed doors and trying, as my Mum says, to push the river.

So that’s what I’m thinking about: “What do I really really want?” And last night I was thinking it as I went to bed. So what did I figure out? I’m better at having fantasies about meeting someone really sweet than I am at solving big problems at bedtime.

Published by

Dinah from Kabalor

Author. Discardian. GM. Current project: creating an inclusive indie fantasy ttrpg https://www.patreon.com/kabalor

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