I had always held off on learning how to use CSS (cascading style sheets) to control positioning in HTML pages because I’d heard many warnings about how spotty the support for this can be in different browsers. I saw the wonder that is CSS Zen Garden and at SXSW I attended a panel on CSS and then I thought “Hmm, maybe it’s time to give it a try. It sure seems friendlier and more fun than I’d thought before.”
It was all a terrible ruse.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few days at work wrestling with a layout that doesn’t depend on tables for positioning and I now know the truth.
CSS positioning is a plot to make web designers’ heads explode.
I haven’t quite figured out what purpose this will serve, but I do understand a bit more about the methods being used by the shadowy figures behind this terrible scheme. Just take a look at some of the enablers:
Eric Meyer seems friendly; always ready with a sly joke, he wards off suspicion by making silly faces.
Tantek Çelik certainly appears calm, cultured and concerned for our well-being.
Doug Bowman is pleasant enough, perhaps inclined to overcompensate a little with the “I am a person” shirt, but you wouldn’t necessarily suspect him of being an evil cyborg.
Everyone likes Dave Shea and look at that face, I mean, come on, how could he be planning destruction?
And just in case that wasn’t enough to lull you into a false sense of comfort, how could you mistrust sweet, innocent little Matt Mullenweg?
Oh, I was taken in. Doug almost let it slip when I was talking to him at a party. I told him I was going to start learning CSS positioning and he said “Are you sure you want to do that? Are you really really sure?”, but then before I could really consider the question he got me over to the bar and talking about high quality alcohol and typography. Silver tongued devil; he knows just how to distract this grrrl.
Now it’s too late for me. I’m slipping into their dastardly clutches, but I still have enough independent willpower to warn the rest of you. You must avoid this peril! Beware of…
Oh no! I think they’re on to me!