I had always held off on learning how to use CSS (cascading style sheets) to control positioning in HTML pages because I’d heard many warnings about how spotty the support for this can be in different browsers. I saw the wonder that is CSS Zen Garden and at SXSW I attended a panel on CSS and then I thought “Hmm, maybe it’s time to give it a try. It sure seems friendlier and more fun than I’d thought before.”
It was all a terrible ruse.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few days at work wrestling with a layout that doesn’t depend on tables for positioning and I now know the truth.
CSS positioning is a plot to make web designers’ heads explode.
I haven’t quite figured out what purpose this will serve, but I do understand a bit more about the methods being used by the shadowy figures behind this terrible scheme. Just take a look at some of the enablers:
Eric Meyer seems friendly; always ready with a sly joke, he wards off suspicion by making silly faces.
Tantek Çelik certainly appears calm, cultured and concerned for our well-being.
Doug Bowman is pleasant enough, perhaps inclined to overcompensate a little with the “I am a person” shirt, but you wouldn’t necessarily suspect him of being an evil cyborg.
Everyone likes Dave Shea and look at that face, I mean, come on, how could he be planning destruction?
And just in case that wasn’t enough to lull you into a false sense of comfort, how could you mistrust sweet, innocent little Matt Mullenweg?
Oh, I was taken in. Doug almost let it slip when I was talking to him at a party. I told him I was going to start learning CSS positioning and he said “Are you sure you want to do that? Are you really really sure?”, but then before I could really consider the question he got me over to the bar and talking about high quality alcohol and typography. Silver tongued devil; he knows just how to distract this grrrl.
Now it’s too late for me. I’m slipping into their dastardly clutches, but I still have enough independent willpower to warn the rest of you. You must avoid this peril! Beware of…
Oh no! I think they’re on to me!
MetaGrrrl 
Now it’s almost midnight on a work night and I am sorely tempted to stay up another hour trying to get the damn picture positioning to actually work right. I guess I’ll just leave it this way for now to illustrate my point and plead exploded head.
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Oh the heck with it. I stayed up and fixed it with a bit of help from definitely sweet, jury’s out on the innocent Matt Mullenweg (who also took most of these great pictures).
Thanks for the inspiration, guys!
(By the way, if you’re like me and you’re learning something new and floundering around and having to reload the page over & over, it kinda helps keep you going if it’s a page full of cute boys).
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The Horrible Plot Is Revealed
Dinah discovers our secret plan for world domination. She must be taken care of now. We can’t let this get around.rn
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Good for you, Dinah. It’ll take a while to get there, but stick with it — it’s definitely worth the effort!
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The Horrible Plot is revealed
To everyone who has ever felt like banging their heads against the wall while hacking CSS, MetaGrrl understands how you feel. Check out her story: MetaGrrrl: The Horrible Plot Is Revealed…
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This thread is funny as fu**! (A Brit expression!!)
You are all such a laugh…Dinah: I am also about to embark on the weird and wonderful world that is ‘CSS’…is that wise, after reading your theories on the topic?
Pity you guys are on the other side of the ocean, are incredibly smart, and don’t know me – cos I think I’d actually ‘get along’ quite well with you otherwise….*LMAO*
*returns to the coffee and my CSS/VBA/SQL/PHP/Japanese/GIS learning….in my spare time!*
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